Shah Rukh Out, Hugh Laurie In!

Yep. My re-entry into American culture is 100% complete.

I've stopped dreaming about Bollywood actors.

SRK, you were lovely, really you were, but things with you were getting a little... repetitive. I mean, your smile's still great, the way you toss that lock of hair off of your forehead before you prepare to start a musical number about your love of whatever holiday your particular film centers around is still... I mean, it's charming as always. Sexy, even. I still enjoy being around you. We can still hang out.

I think it was the whole abs thing that turned me off, honestly. To tell you the truth, I'm concerned that you might have an eating disorder. Or maybe a steroid dependency. And I know that I should be there, supporting you as you go through whatever psychological problem caused all this ab-abbing, but... um, I'm just not that strong. Which is my thinly-veiled way of saying "I don't care all that much."

Because this new guy has started appearing in my dreams. I didn't mean for it to happen. I just wanted something to watch on Hulu while I did my yoga. We were just meeting for fun. He was someone I knew from when I was a kid. Someone I hadn't seen in years. I never thought... but he was so fresh and new, and let's face it, he's a lot smarter than you are.

And now he's the first thing I think of when I get out of bed in the morning. Probably because the first thing I do when I get out of bed in the morning (after feeding the cat) is yoga, but let's not talk about when and where we meet. That's none of your business.

Did Kal Penn tell you? Don't look at me like that, I know you all have a network.

No, you don't need to know his name. Or his television program. Just... stay out of our lives, okay?

Oh, but if you ever do another movie with K-Jo, call me.