One More Note on Miss Junie B.

Please examine the opening paragraph of the NYT article.

At her all-day princess-theme party for her graduation from preschool, Lyra Alvis had her face painted, went first down the water slide and was even allowed to eat the flower on the cake. "It was the best day of my life," said Lyra, 5, who lives in Nashville.

At least until bedtime. That is when her father, Lance Alvis, did something he?d never done before: Midway through a book that was a gift from a friend, he insisted she pick out something different to read.

"But I love this book," Lyra said.

The paperback in question was about Junie B. Jones...

So this kid got an ALL-DAY PRINCESS PARTY for her graduation from preschool, to which her little friends were asked to BRING GIFTS.

*facepalm*
*facedesk*
*facebrickwall*

I would say that learning how to read/speak/write will be the least of this kid's problems.

And From The Other End Of The Pool...

I am obliged to feature the people who would rather not pay a naming consultant, but instead choose to give their children a "made-up" name... or, equally frequently, an appropriated one. These are the people, of course, who brought us Neveah (now the 70th most popular girls' name in the country).

Team Desi beware... these people have found the name Kali and think it is "a simple name to show you think your child is a goddess!" On the plus side, someone wrote in to say that a baby named Kavindra would undoubtedly grow up to be "super-fly."

Just click here.

(Editor's Note: She is debating whether or not the inclusion of this link, or the resultant contempt implied, is inappropriate due to what appears to be class-based stratifying. After all, why is "Leah" different from "Neveah?" Both are simply phonemes, air pressed through obstacles; and in terms of spoken sound they're much the same. Regardless, the most telling thing about this particular link -- and what makes it depressing in addition to rather hilarious -- is the logic involved in these parents' name choices. Which is, coincidentally enough, remarkably similar to the logic presented by the wealthy, consultant-hiring parents.

Culturally, it seems, naming is no longer a link to the past; it's a necessary way to push your baby into the future. Because both sets of parents know their children have to grow up to be super-fly.)

Buying Branded Babies

I'll try to keep this short because my goodness! I've been long-winded of late.

From the Wall Street Journal (by way of Salon), an article describing the latest trend among upwardly-mobile parents: hiring a professional baby namer.

These people seem to cost between $50 and $400, depending on whether you want them to just give you a few ideas or whether you want the whole numerology, astrology, history-of-the-name, etc. business.

Why are parents doing this? Because they understand that they're going to send their kids out into an extremely tight job market (not to mention the college admissions market, and perhaps even the preschool admissions market), and they want to confer the best advantages possible.

With a spooky sense of recognition that there are going to be a lot of people out there with the same talents and abilities as their (yet unborn) child, they're hoping, quite simply, to garner even the smallest edge by choosing a name that sticks in a future employer's head.

For $475, one family got the name Leah Marie McCombie; for $350, another got Natalie Dziello; for $50, Ava Mistretta; for $25, Max Phillip Kessler.

How much did Pran and Savita pay the astrologer who named their baby Uma?

Related story: Nanopolitan's Your Name On Google.