Ask Blue: Miss Ginny's Question

Using Pride and Prejudice as a reference- Why is it that women, as a whole, always seem to end up pining miserably over the Mr. Wickham-types while simultaneously cooing over how SWEET the Mr. Darcy-types are and how much they'd like to date someone exactly like that...

Happy V-Day, by the by. Give Miri-belle a pat from me :D

~Miss Ginny

Dear Miss Ginny,

Miri says hi. ^__^

My official Pride and Prejudice Theory of Romance is that all women think every Mr. Wickham is a Mr. Darcy until they find out that he is, in fact, a Mr. Wickham.

This is what Lizzie does, after all. She thinks Mr. Wickham is the be-all and end-all, until she finds out that he isn't.

I'd argue with you that the sweet types aren't actually Darcys at all, but Bingleys. And there's nothing wrong with a Bingley. But it's hard to be with a Bingley when you really want a Darcy, and the trouble with Darcys is that they so often get confused with Wickhams.

Darcy and Wickham grew up together, after all. Like, in the same house. No wonder they're similar.

BTW, the quickest way for a man to go from being a Bingley to being a Darcy is to find some way of challenging his Lizzie (take her rock climbing, or sit with her during the presidential debates and start playing devil's advocate about her favorite candidate). A Bingley-turned-Darcy can be quite an attractive man.

Unless, of course, the Bingley wants a Jane. Bingleys and Janes are generally quite happy with one another, and neither of them have to worry about the belay devices breaking.

Hope this helps!

Advicefully yours,

Blue

Ask Blue: Indianoguy's Question

What women want?
No, its not a plug for the movie ;)

Indianoguy

Dear Indianoguy,

I can't speak for what women want. Women are a diverse and complex group of individuals, and to make any sweeping judgment about "what women want" would be as foolish as assuming that all desi boys like the yoga. (This is wrong, of course. They all like the Kama Sutra.)

I can, however, speak for what I want. Maybe this will be able to help you.

I want someone who will let me be me, without trying to change who I am. I don't mind if he thinks I should try cooking scrambled eggs a different way, or something like that, but I don't want him to try and stop me from being all of the quirky, fun things I already am.

I want someone who gets excited about the Wii.

I want someone who is completely cool with my cat.

I want someone who will let me sing Cole Porter while I do the dishes. Someone who will maybe sing with me. That's even more important than doing the dishes with me. (In five years, doing the dishes will probably be more important.)

I want someone who will let me organize his things and not mind; someone who will let me hang up the shirts by color and sort the bills by due date. Someone who will smile when I put scented candles in the bathroom and curtains on the windows.

I want someone who will send me a note when something exciting happens in his day and still find things to talk about at night.

I want someone who will let me talk to him as much as I want without my feeling like I'm being clingy or overwhelming. I have a lot to say, after all. A lot of questions, too. About life and philosophy and superdelegates and whether he had a good day at work and what's bothering him and can I help and does he maybe want a back rub?

I want someone who will laugh with me.

I also want someone who will spar with me. Challenge me. Debate me. Tease me, even. Let me fight back. (This may be the most important thing, and the rarest thing to find. But women fantasize about Mr. Darcy for a reason, and not just because he's played by Colin Firth.)

Is that a start? Keep in mind that every woman is different. Some women just want a hot body, and some women prefer a fat wallet. (You can fake this by stuffing your wallet full of old receipts and sandwich club cards.) Many women like being taken out to dinner. That's probably the best place for you to start, if you don't know what women want. Take a woman to dinner, and proceed from there. She should give you at least one good clue about what she wants next.

Advicefully yours,

Blue

Ask Blue: Andre's Question

How come whenever I try to go out with an white person, they always say something to me about how much they love yoga or bollywood or some other aspect of Indian culture? When I dated a French girl I didn't go on and on about how much I like Proust. It makes me feel like a token instead of a real human being. Which is why I mostly date Indian girls now.

Andre

Dear Andre,

Of course you wouldn't mention to a French girl that you liked Proust. You would mention that you liked fine wines and the film Amelie and possibly that trip you took to the Centre Pompidou in college. Playing the Proust card would be like white girls playing the Tagore card.

But they don't play the Tagore card. They play the yoga and Bollywood cards -- which, first of all, should be looked at as two separate cards.

Yoga, as we know, has been completely co-opted by white culture. I've taken years of yoga classes where everyone in the room was white, including the instructor. The young woman who mentions she does yoga is either A. stating something important to her without being aware of its Indian background (as in "Hi, my name's Mandy and I like candlelight dinners, walks on the beach, and yoga") or B. is aware of yoga's cultural heritage and is trying to open a dialogue with you about culture.

Which is probably what the young woman who mentions Bollywood is doing: poking around the outer edges of a more serious cultural dialogue. She's saying, in a somewhat awkward way, that she's aware that you're brown and she's a little bit aware of what being brown means, though she's not at all sure what it means to you. She wants you to know that she knows a little bit about Indian culture, and if she's like 99% of women on this planet who start making long-term projections on the first date, she's probably wondering how culture will play into this relationship. Will you be the kind of guy who wants to take her to tabla concerts and who cooks his own naan, or are you more Panjabi MC, or Goldspot, or Rihanna, or Hannah Montana? In short: She's trying to tip you off to the fact that she'll be down with the brown, if you're that kind of brown boy.

White people generally aren't good at opening cultural dialogues, and sometimes it sounds like we're "othering" the people we're trying to understand. (I wrote more about that here, about a year ago.) On the plus side, we adapt really quickly, and after a date or two should start to figure things out.

If, however, a girl bursts out with a giggly "You're Indian? I love yoga and Bollywood!" then feel free to DTMFA.

Advicefully yours,

Blue

Ask Blue: Ctrlalteredmind's Question

Why is Children's Day celebrated exactly 9 months after Valentine's Day, in India?

Ctrlalteredmind

Dear Ctrlalteredmind,

Children's Day is celebrated nine months after Valentine's Day because it's the time when all of the babies conceived over Diwali and the other winter holidays are born.

What can I say? IST is a powerful force.

Advicefully yours,

Blue

Ask Blue: Miri's... um... question???

Give them to me! I love yarn!

Miri

Dear Miri,

These socks are made of synthetic materials, and they're not for you. You already have a Valentine's present: a parade of hotties lined up outside your door. Unfortunately, you're an indoor-only cat.

I still love you.

Advicefully yours,

Blue

Ask Blue: Mom's Question

What's a mom to do? Let's say a mom bought her daughters Valentine's socks. And then one of the daughters falls down the stairs, fractures her toe and is in a cast. What is a mom to do with the socks?
LOVE
mom

Dear Mom,

Your daughter will undoubtedly look at these socks as an unexpected double bounty. Since one foot is in a cast, she now only requires one sock at any given time. Thus, her supply of existing socks (and the necessary time between laundering said socks) has now doubled. Mathematically, consider it 2x, where x equals the number of original pairs of socks.

Upon receiving two Valentine's Day socks, your daughter will rightfully assume that you are aware of this mathematical equation and have chosen to give her two socks, instead of one, because you love her twice as much. She will wear one sock on Valentine's Day and one sock on the following day, the feast of Lupercalia. Then she will wash them both.

Advicefully yours,

Blue

P.S. She thinks the socks are really cute.